This week I would like to share a situation as part of a coaching session I had with a client in Germany – with her consent obviously.
Prior that week, one of my alumni and I got to chat about life and how we often base our decisions on what others expect from us. This particular lady is very talented and comes from a multi-cultural background, which I always consider an advantage as you get to see the world through two different lenses from birth.
She explained to me that she was facing a dilemma and that she had no idea what to do. She had two options: go and work in Dubai for one year or stay in Germany. Now, for me, when an occasion like this one arises, I do very little thinking. The mere fact that this opportunity was presented to me, means the Universe wanted me to know about it and winks at me to fill in the form as soon as possible, apply for it and grab the opportunity with both hands.
I then asked her what it was that was holding her back?
She replied that she was fearful that she would be overwhelmed with all the luxury she would be surrounded with while working and living there. Consequently, I asked her: “ Are you sure these are your beliefs, or are they perhaps things you got from hear say, through family and friends?”
She acknowledged that this was a great point.
This happens quite often that we take on beliefs from others, especially when it comes to fears, because fear is simply the anticipation of pain. And, if we would only know that the people who tell us these things have never even been to the place in question or have never experienced this kind of lifestyle.
I am sure we have all fallen victim to these forms of conditioning, but we have to ask ourselves the question: By taking advice from people who come from a fear-based mindset, is this going to bring us closer to our goal? Is this going to drive us forward and guide us into more opportunity?
The simple answer is ‘no’ – most certainly not! It will maintain the status quo, or even set us back because all the decisions we take will contribute to how we will experience our future.
Think about it!
Where you are today is exactly the result of all the choices and decisions you have made in the past 5 years. When you surround yourself with people that instill fear in you when in fact you have to take action, you will not be able to achieve your goal.
Therefore, if you really want to take charge of your life and be accountable for your future, take a step back and sit down with a piece of paper. Be brutally honest with yourself and write down all the thoughts that run through your head when thinking of the decision you have made or are about to make.
Let your thoughts run free – the good ones and the bad ones – let it flow. Then, go through each one and consider:
- is this my thought of have I heard someone talk about it?
- Is this how I feel about it, or is it someone else who told me how they felt?
- Is this my fear or have I taken on this fear from someone else?
Also, ask yourself the following questions:
- How credible are the sources from whom I received this information?
- Why should I listen to them?
- Are they experts in this specific case?
- What experience do they bank on to give me advice about a particular subject?
- How do I feel/ what does my intuition tell me about it?
And then, see what your answers come back as…
Another issue that I see often arise is when people make a decision, their circle tries to keep them close by using the guilt ‘tripping’ approach. Making statements such as: but what about your grandparents, they are not the youngest? While I agree that spending time with family is very important, nowadays, we have ample options to communicate from a great distance and even see each other while doing so, no matter where we are in the world.
It is only a question of sticking to this intention and not getting carried away with distractions brought about by your new surroundings. In the end, this is a question of integrity – walking the talk and doing what you had said you would do.
That same week, another young lady told me that her choices were based on the country where she had the most government support. I asked her if she was happy where she was and the answer was: “No, not really”. I then suggested: “Wouldn’t it be better to create a life so good that you don’t need to rely on government support?”
Of course it is great to have the option of having a safety net, but only when really necessary and for a short period of time as a bridge. It is probably not the best mindset of banking on this kind of savior as a certainty. After all, this brings me back to the fact that the best outcomes eventualize when being accountable for your choices, decisions and actions. Why not create your own safety net and choosing to live in the country that brings you joy and happiness.
In closing, do you want to live your life ‘your way’ or do you want others to make the calls for you? That is the BIG question!
In my opinion, it is better to pull the strings yourself, as when you are accountable, there cannot be anyone to blame later down the track. You will own your decisions!
This way you will also learn to trust more in yourself and a wide array of opportunities will present themselves the further you walk into the future.
Because when you are accountable in regard to making choices in life, more of this ‘decisive energy’ will come your way, and consequently, it will become easier and easier to tune into what is meant for you.
Silence the outside noise!
Trust your intuition!
You have all the answers inside of you!